WIAtWork

Hi everyone, this is my first WIAW-post ever.

And itll probably be the last one, because itll get boring after a while for you.

And for me.

Youll ask why, because usually (at least for me) these posts are mostly the most interesting and best posts of the week on some blogs: 

theyre filled with colourful pictures of beautifully prepared food and encourage me to try new food and combos.

Usually.

If.

If I have the time to try...

I normally dont.

Okay since I am working for a large fast-food chain as a manageress, I spent every day there.

e.v.e.r.y  d.a.y

I usually eat one meal at home before (breakfast) or after (if I dont work early A.M-shift) but the rest of the day I have to eat there. If I eat. Because if it is really busy my day will start around 11 or 12 there and definitely not end before midnight. 

And I have this weird thing that I cant eat any later than 9pm. I just cant. Sometimes Ill eat a few chicken nuggets that are left over at 3am when we close the store, but only if Im really really hungry.

Okay anyways, I dont have a regular break on my shifts, so sometimes I take 5 minutes in case its a little less busy in the store to smoke or sip on some coffee.

If I wanna eat, I usually grap something when I have to do paper-/computer-work in the office.

So that means I dont have a regular eating-rhythm at all.

And you know how much of a problem that is for ppl suffering an ed.

And another problem is that I basicly eat the same stuff everyday. Its all food from my work, because I cant prep something at home and take it with me, I have no place to store it.

Okay, so lemme introduce you to a regular day of mine.

to WhatIAteAtWork - Mary edition.

Breakfast: Cappuccino

(and in-between snack at least 3xday)

Lunch/Dinner: 

which is usually split in a thousand small eats over my shift

apple-slices in a bag (the only fruit we have)                           

  Milkshake (I hate strawberry)

Leftovers from breakfast 

(eaten at 8pm)                             

Coffee: all day long

 Well so these are usually my options at work, there are some more, but I inly wanted to show my staples. Its not a healthy or balanced diet and I know I am not even close to eating enough, but I didnt wanna make anything seem nice I just wanted to show how it really is.

uncertainty

Hello everyone!

My life has been like a really intense rollercoaster lately. It has been turned around 180°:
People left it, others came in.
But some things are apparently really steady. One of them is my small "family" [2ppl+3pets] and the other one is working [hardcore].
And exactly that is the problem.
I am actually thinkin of quitting my job...again.
I know this might sound like I can never decide on something and get tired of stuff easily as soon as it starts getting hard, but thats NOT true!
Butmy body is tortured by my ED, ive punished it over 10 years now. Weight going up and down, phases of purging and not purging, fasting (completely) and just not eating more than and apple a day, clinic stays, forced eating, Ensure-drinks and pills, no pills at all, drrugs,smoking: I mean honestly I am done.
 Right now I barely get a day off in a week, mostly (88%)  work nightshift and at least 10h in one shift. I stay longer everyday and I start earlier.
I need to, because whenever I do something, especially job-wisely, I wanna do it right. But like really really right.More like perfect!Because I think I either do it 150%perfect or not at all.
Right now I am tired.Tired of everything.Co-workers,customers,the job I am doing and that I am so tired and exhausted all the time.
I am not happy anymore and its making me sick.
But i donno what to do against it.
Can I really quit my job?
And what comes then?
I donno.
I really dont.

NOT normal...

Okay, so my boyfriend gave me this:

 

and I ?...

...broke up with him.

Am I completely messed up?!

Hello?Its from Tiffanys...from T-I-F-F-A-N-Y!!!

Relieve...

PUH!

Finally she made it.

My beloved granma died last Friday. 

the funeral was yesterday.

She would have turned 88 in December and she deserved to finally find peace in heaven and be realeased from her body and life here,on earth.

She has been (age) demented since 11 years now, which has turned her into a complete different person:

Someone she never was nor wanted to be.

She has been suffering with that for over a decade by now AND noone could help her with that. Because all we (my mom,granpa and I) were able to do was care, not cure.

I started taking care of her, when I hit the age of 8 and noone, whos never done such thing can imagine what it means to swipe someone elses bum, wash them, brush their teeth, cook and feed them and sit next to them in bed when theyre exhausted from getting undressed.

BUT Im not whining here.

Because I could not imagine acting any other way.

I loved my granma and I still do 

(why I am not too sad about her death, I know god needed to release her and she is better now.)

She has been one of the prettiest Ive ever known and 

She taught me to be how I am now:

To take care of people and be friendly no matter how they act to you.

To trust in god and that he will fix it for you.

To work hard and never question

To laugh in every situation and turn it into something good.

And..

...to play the piano

...sing

walk in heels,

braid my hair,

plant flowers and fruit ,

but mostly how to always stay a lady doing all that.

Danke guter Gott im Himmel, dass du sie zu dir genommen hast.

FIB(o)ulgaria

Hi everyone!
Sorry for being absent for soooo long, but ALOT has happened lately and work was really tough on me so i didnt really got the chance to blog or take any pictures lately!

First of all I went to the Fitness Expo in Essen in late April (FiBO) and tried alot of new fitness gadgets,protein shakes/powders/bars and got a whole lot of free goodies and I LOVED IT!
I even got the chance to try out a kind of workout I always wanted to try! .......i tried POLE DANCING!!!!
I completely loved it!Its such a great workout and looks so cool!it was so much fun to whirl around at the pole and im tryin to sign up for pole dancing classes in my area even though theyre hard to find (sad face)

anyways, then my boyfriend came over the weekend after and we got to spend 4 whole days together which is such a rare oppotunity and great luxury!I enjoyed it so much :)
But I really miss him!Like so much it even hurts me physically sometimes.
Hes enlisted and stationed on a base in east germany right now which means hes a 5h train ride away...
Working in a 24/7 restaurant doesnt make it any better cause he can only come on weekends and holidays, on which I always have to work!
But kk Ill stop complaining here,because at least I have a boyfriend who makes me  happy :)

And now I'll be off for a week of holidays (first and second-to-last-one this year) in Bulgaria!
The weather is supposed to be real nice and hot over there.Im talking 26^c and sunshine here!
jealous?sorry but i gotta admit i kinda deserve it.I havent had more than 5 days off during the last 2 month opposed to 8-10 i shoulda had according to law.Ive never worked than 10h a day and mostly more than 12, alot of times i havent even had more than 6h of sleep during 4days of working nightshift, but whatever.
I still enjoy doing my job.
BUT i am truly happy to get the chance to go on such a nice vacathhh, ALL  INCL.(24h),5star-hotel, beachy-beachy-beach, sunshine and all of that for the cheapest price ive ever seen...its under 450EUR. a person,including flight,accomodation,taxes and transportation! For 8 days! so super awesome :)

Anyways Im out!Ill kepp u updated after my vacation with lots of beautiful Bulgarian pictures!

Love,Peace and Happieness
Mary

eating out

Hi everyone!

So Easter is over and guess what that means?!
Finally got A DAY OFF!
wooot!woot!
So I sadly had to work all easter weekend and even had to do a lot of tests, and let me tell you working holidays in a 24h Restaurant isnt fun at all! Because alll grocery stores, bakeries and lots of restaurants are closed, so where does everyone go?! Well thats not a tough one, they come to me.In my restaurant.
But at least all those 9 to 10h shifts went by quickly whith having lots of work to do.

Anyways, I tried to celebrate Easter a little (and Ive got an After-Eight-chocolate-bunny, which I LOVE)
as far as it was possible. And because we had no time to cook, and I honestly had no desire to do so, we went out for dinner TWICE last weekend.

On Saturday we went to an "Asian-All you can eat-Place" which was super awesome. They had a mongolian BBQ which means that you can choose between a huge avriety of raw foods and sauces which they freshly whip up for you to a meal and bring it to your table. And they fry everything without oil!
Its sooo good, because I hardly ever stomach fat. I get bloatings and my stomach always feel awful, if I just touch oil or butter or anything fatty. :(

And on monday we went to a cute little restaurant in the middle of the forest, but I didnt take any pictures.

But something happened, that is way more important!
I think Im gonna move in less than 2 month!
We arent happy with our apartment since a while because its too hot in the summer (living right under the roof,5th floor,no elevator) too cold in the winter ( our heating never works), the water doesnt work often, there are no places to park our car nearby, its loud (u can see/hear the AUTOBAHN from our deck)
and so on...

So on sunday on my break at work, I read about an apartment, close to our workplaces, that is free to rent.
I called, we visited the place and truly fell in love! iT IS SO BEAUTIFUL!
Weve ot 2 small floors, 2 bathrooms, a balcony and even a fireplace! and its even cheaper than our apartment now!so crazy, but tomorrow when i sign the contract, ill take some pictures so that u can imagine :)

Happy WIAW you guys
:-)

Easter 2012

Hi everyone!

Its Easter time!
So today its "Holy Thursday" for me, because Ive been born and raised Roman-Catholic ( and I'm proud of it :))
And that mean the beginning of the Easter Holidays and festivities and FINALLY the end of lent on saturday!
Ohh I am so excited to finally eat ice cream again, drink a glass of whine and go out again dancing :)

Because for lent I had to give up eating Sweets/Candy/Chocolate/etc. as well as eating out/go out partying
[which was not that hard, cause I didnt have the time anyways :( ] and drinking booze (which I rarely ever do anyways)
I actually was supposed to give up meat but I didnt manage to do so for the whole lent, I only abounded it from my meal plan for Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, as those days are traditional "no-meat-days" for me as long as I can remember!
but I dnt think thats bad, I mean I need to get my protein!Cause I'm lacking on it anyways. So you gotta compromise and integrate Religion in your daily live, I guess.

Anyways, since its gonna be the end of lent in 2 days, I am craving Easter chocolate!
And living in Germany weve got the best variety (ok,ok,cadbury eggs are great)
and these are my favorites:

By the way: I'm kinda worried I wont be alte to eat any of this, because it was hard to integrate choclate and other sweet treats into my meal plan again after not eating it for about 5 years straight and it took me over 2 years to do so. But giving it up for lent ( the last 2 years i was at the hospital around this time so i didnt take part in lent) again, I am afraid to feel very guilty again,eating it.
But Illl try,because I am really craving it AND i got a sweet tooth for sure!

sadly I gotta work all easter weekend, a 24h restaurant never closes :D
Even though I'd rather go to church and have a nice brunch with my mum and my best friend, that comes home visiting from Holland. where shes going to university for becoming a doctor.
But I hope you all enjoy your easter holidays and fully enjoy lots of chocolate and family-time!

:)
Happy Easter!
Mary