WIAtWork

Hi everyone, this is my first WIAW-post ever.

And itll probably be the last one, because itll get boring after a while for you.

And for me.

Youll ask why, because usually (at least for me) these posts are mostly the most interesting and best posts of the week on some blogs: 

theyre filled with colourful pictures of beautifully prepared food and encourage me to try new food and combos.

Usually.

If.

If I have the time to try...

I normally dont.

Okay since I am working for a large fast-food chain as a manageress, I spent every day there.

e.v.e.r.y  d.a.y

I usually eat one meal at home before (breakfast) or after (if I dont work early A.M-shift) but the rest of the day I have to eat there. If I eat. Because if it is really busy my day will start around 11 or 12 there and definitely not end before midnight. 

And I have this weird thing that I cant eat any later than 9pm. I just cant. Sometimes Ill eat a few chicken nuggets that are left over at 3am when we close the store, but only if Im really really hungry.

Okay anyways, I dont have a regular break on my shifts, so sometimes I take 5 minutes in case its a little less busy in the store to smoke or sip on some coffee.

If I wanna eat, I usually grap something when I have to do paper-/computer-work in the office.

So that means I dont have a regular eating-rhythm at all.

And you know how much of a problem that is for ppl suffering an ed.

And another problem is that I basicly eat the same stuff everyday. Its all food from my work, because I cant prep something at home and take it with me, I have no place to store it.

Okay, so lemme introduce you to a regular day of mine.

to WhatIAteAtWork - Mary edition.

Breakfast: Cappuccino

(and in-between snack at least 3xday)

Lunch/Dinner: 

which is usually split in a thousand small eats over my shift

apple-slices in a bag (the only fruit we have)                           

  Milkshake (I hate strawberry)

Leftovers from breakfast 

(eaten at 8pm)                             

Coffee: all day long

 Well so these are usually my options at work, there are some more, but I inly wanted to show my staples. Its not a healthy or balanced diet and I know I am not even close to eating enough, but I didnt wanna make anything seem nice I just wanted to show how it really is.

uncertainty

Hello everyone!

My life has been like a really intense rollercoaster lately. It has been turned around 180°:
People left it, others came in.
But some things are apparently really steady. One of them is my small "family" [2ppl+3pets] and the other one is working [hardcore].
And exactly that is the problem.
I am actually thinkin of quitting my job...again.
I know this might sound like I can never decide on something and get tired of stuff easily as soon as it starts getting hard, but thats NOT true!
Butmy body is tortured by my ED, ive punished it over 10 years now. Weight going up and down, phases of purging and not purging, fasting (completely) and just not eating more than and apple a day, clinic stays, forced eating, Ensure-drinks and pills, no pills at all, drrugs,smoking: I mean honestly I am done.
 Right now I barely get a day off in a week, mostly (88%)  work nightshift and at least 10h in one shift. I stay longer everyday and I start earlier.
I need to, because whenever I do something, especially job-wisely, I wanna do it right. But like really really right.More like perfect!Because I think I either do it 150%perfect or not at all.
Right now I am tired.Tired of everything.Co-workers,customers,the job I am doing and that I am so tired and exhausted all the time.
I am not happy anymore and its making me sick.
But i donno what to do against it.
Can I really quit my job?
And what comes then?
I donno.
I really dont.

NOT normal...

Okay, so my boyfriend gave me this:

 

and I ?...

...broke up with him.

Am I completely messed up?!

Hello?Its from Tiffanys...from T-I-F-F-A-N-Y!!!

Relieve...

PUH!

Finally she made it.

My beloved granma died last Friday. 

the funeral was yesterday.

She would have turned 88 in December and she deserved to finally find peace in heaven and be realeased from her body and life here,on earth.

She has been (age) demented since 11 years now, which has turned her into a complete different person:

Someone she never was nor wanted to be.

She has been suffering with that for over a decade by now AND noone could help her with that. Because all we (my mom,granpa and I) were able to do was care, not cure.

I started taking care of her, when I hit the age of 8 and noone, whos never done such thing can imagine what it means to swipe someone elses bum, wash them, brush their teeth, cook and feed them and sit next to them in bed when theyre exhausted from getting undressed.

BUT Im not whining here.

Because I could not imagine acting any other way.

I loved my granma and I still do 

(why I am not too sad about her death, I know god needed to release her and she is better now.)

She has been one of the prettiest Ive ever known and 

She taught me to be how I am now:

To take care of people and be friendly no matter how they act to you.

To trust in god and that he will fix it for you.

To work hard and never question

To laugh in every situation and turn it into something good.

And..

...to play the piano

...sing

walk in heels,

braid my hair,

plant flowers and fruit ,

but mostly how to always stay a lady doing all that.

Danke guter Gott im Himmel, dass du sie zu dir genommen hast.