Every end is a new Beginning...Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Sorry for my whiney post last time, but my intention is to use this blog to write down what I feel and think in the moment. Thats a great opportunity for me too, to review my feelings and capture them over time :)

Anyways, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas time, quality-time with your families,partners and friends and lovely presents and great eats :)
I have to work over the holidays, but its only early shifts from 7 am - 5pm so Ill be home in the evening to spend time with my small family,too :)


Yesterday, I got some awesome news from my new apartment. Ill be able to move in by the end of next week :) Because, yes, you got it right, I am moving out by January! I am so glad this day finally came and I hope, I can cope with the new situation and do well living on my own.Lets just think positive here! :)

[So many Smilies,this seems to be a happy post]

So to get more pictures in here and write about some EATS again and not just about ED,

here is my REVIEW of what FOODS I liked best over the past year:

Best of 2012 - Foodie style 

 

pumkin puree

No#1: Pumpkin

baked pumpkin

Every style of it. I LOVE pumpkin and its my all-time-favorite vegetable since living in BC,Canada for over a year. I am obviously always really sad,  whenever pumkin season is over, because I am not a sucker for winter-veggies like kale and all sorts of cabbage...that stuff gives me gas and I dont like that for sure!haha



No#2:Watermelon

Watermelon sald: turkish stlye

Ok, I gotta admit it, this hasnt only been my favorite in 2012. Its my favorite every year since I can think. Its just so versatile, fresh and cheap! And honeslty nothing tastes more like summer than a freshly sliced watermelon with a few drops of lemon juice on top!

One of the greatest things is also savory: Watermelon salad.
Just slice up some Watermelon, give some lemon juice on top and mix with diced Feta-cheese, pumkin seeds and fresh mint. Delishhh!


No#3:  Macaroons

Just three letters: OMG! These are the sweetest, prettiest and mostly cutest little things on earth. I first tried them in my trip to Paris for my birthday and I fell completely in love with them, because they are so versatile:
They are offered in various sizes and flavours:
Vanilla,Coffee,Chocolate,Pistachio....so much more!

Sad thing is, my birthday is usually in lent and I bought a super-expensive and exclusive box of Macaroons in Paris (Where they originally come from!) and I let it set over lent, so I could eat them on Easter, cause we dont eat swe.ets during lent (exept for my bday). But when I wanted to try them after the 40days, they were hard as steel :(

No#4:   Most beautiful display of Food seen in 2012

This assortment of spices and dried fruit in a turkish 
supermarket here in my area :)
Isnt that just like art?!


No#5: Best Fear-Food eaten     
              (conquered!)

Definitely PIZZA! Sadly only eaten once this year, but one of my worst fear-foods. and I am so proud, I was able to enjoy it while being in Paris. I ate this Wrap-style Pizza (not "Calzone"!) with a bit of a salad bouquet and it was super-duper-uber-delish!!

yumm...






Okay, this list could go on and on and on.
I could mention tons of asparagus,broccoli and eggs, that were eaten this year.And the few times, I got myself to enjoy "After-Eight-gelato" (my favorite) or FroYo (which has finally arrived in Germany :))
and Blackberries, but I guess that would be too much ;)

Anyways, one of my wishes for 2013 is  to conquer more fear-foods and  be able to enjoy eating out
(or eating in general) more again.
I want to go to a breakfast-brunch-buffet and try everything, that looks appealing,
without having (too much) of a bad conciousness.



So lets end this year of amazing eats and start in a new one, in which I hopefully be able to make my plan come true!

XOXO
Mary

Dreading to go...

...hey everyone!

Well, today is a weird day.I am still on holidays,but on friday theyre over.
And I am dreading the day, i have to go back to work.

Iam really disappointed and sad, that i dont love my job anymore.
I used to be so thrilled and enthusiastic about it. I used to be happy to go there and dreaded days off or holidays, because i would feel useless without work.
But now i feel useless at work...

I feel like its such an unnecessary and stupid thing I am doing for a living.
I mean, i sell Fast-food. Unhealthy, unnecessary, Fast-food.
I dont really help anyone with it, nor am I unique at what I am doing.
I am actually super-replaceable.
There is so many ppl that can do my job as a manageress and are more made for it than I am.

I just noticed, that even though, I always thought it is the perfect and ultimate job for me, I am not cold-hearted and enough of a "force-person" for it. I am simply too much drawn by emotions and I cant blend out my heart and feelings at my job (nor anywhere else in my life ;))
But when i look at all the ones that are above me in the company, those that  are successful in their job there, that hold high-positions or are my boss, are exactly what I am not.

Theyre not emotional, they seem to be cold and strong. They are able to focus on profit more than people and never have a bad conciousness.
They dont fear anyone,really and dont doubt their decisions. They stay strong, even if someone hates them, for what or ho they do certain things.
I cant do that and I most likely dont wanna do that.

Not now, nor forever.

And thats the point. I donno what to do anymore...
Work makes me sick and i panic, as soon as i just slightly think about returning on friday.
but I also donno what to do otherwise:
I have never done anything else and i cant inagine not working in food services. but i also dont wanna work with food anymore or for the rest of my life. i mean, i hate food. especially fast food. it makes me nervous to be around it all day and my situation seems to constantly become worse.
but what shell i do?
i have a year left as a trainee/apprentice til i am done and can start doing something else.

But i simply dont know, if:

A) Ill get thru this year without breaking down
B) If its not a waste of time, if I dont wanna continue afterwards anyways
C) If I even have another choice
D) If I have the strenght to start all over again

Because:

A) I am twenty
B) I am not allowed to go to university in Germany to study
C) I already had to quit an apprenticeship 2 years ago because I got hospitalized
D) I need money to pay rent
E) I graduated in 2010, future bosses will ask what happened in between
---> another broken up apprenticeship doesnt look too good in your resume
 F) I still (visibly) suffer from an ED

wtf. This simply annoys me to the max!

How did you go on with work while recovering/suffering from ED?
Did you tell your (future) boss?
Any ideas how to find out, what job is right for you?

Ps.: nature makes me happy :)


xoxo,
Mary

Christmas

Hi everyone!
Today, I decided to do a more happy post. Nothing whiny, nothing about ED or my current situation.
Just something random fitting the season....

Christmas time :)

Well, I found this challenge on a lovely designed blog and I think I wanna participate, even though its kinda late to start. But whatever. So this post is gonna be fitting the 2nd Advent (today!) and will be "picturey".
YAY for that.
Who doesnt like pictures,huh?!

Okay so lets start.

1.Your favorite Christmas movie

Well, I am German, so I guess it must be a German movie and surprise,surprise it IS!

Das Mädchen mit den Schwefelhölzern

--> Its more likely a German fairy-tale, but there is a movie to it. Its a really sad but realistic story about a poor little girl in the 19th century I think, that doesnt have a family and tries to keep itself warm with a box of matches on Christmas and watches all the happy families. Well its sad, but stunning.

3. When/How did you learn that Santa wasnt real?

I never believed in Santa, cause I didnt get raised like that. In Germany its usually the "Christkind" that brings the presents and I am raised very catholic, so we didnt do the whole comemercial-christmas with Santa.

We believed that Jesus as a baby/child  or an Angel brings the presents.

So I never had to learn Santa isnt real, cause I still believe that Jesus was :)

4.Favorite Christmas song

Oh my god. I donno. There is so many. I love the traditional German ones like 

"Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht"

(silent night, holy night) and 

"Schneeglöckchen, Weißröckchen" 

as well as I like (shame on me!) 

"Last Christmas" by Wham...

Best sounds on Christmas is the bells from Church anyways :)

5.Best gift you´ve ever received & 7. Most memorable Christmas

A trip to DISNEY LAND over the Christmas holidays, best trip and present EVER  !!!

Okay you guys, enough for now :)
Enjoy Christmas season and dont let ED ruin it!
xoxo,
Mary