Oh well....[EASTER 2013]

Oh well...

hello everyone, I am REALLY sorry, I dint post for such a long time.
For once, I had people reading my blog, finally being able to not only write down what I feel and think, but actually receive FEEDBACK and helpful advice on my matters.

And I screwed up, but still, thanks for linking me, my beautiful Kat!

Anyways, I have SO MUCH going on in my life right now, that I really didnt have time to blog lately.
Just think:

- EXAMs,exams,exams.... (passed all of them so far :) )

- Writing applications (hopefully been succesfull)

- Only 3 Month left with training (scary!)

- being sick (again -.-)

- and occupied with ED.... (no comment necessary)

...and alot more.

Whatever, I thought it was time to blog again anyways, 

because I am really grateful  for all your helpful and really honest  comments on my last post!

 Even though I kinda think that some of you didnt really understand, what I was trying to express. 

(in that case I wanna destroy the thought of me spreding thinspo! Its not thinspo, its actually just pictures of me! I wanted to make the post more appealing and less wordy,thats ALL! Thanks.)

So lets talk about something better, I AM CATHOLIC; since you all know,

and its Easter time again :)

Tomorrow is Good Friday, which means its one of the most important holidays in the year,
BUT
-surprise,surprise- I obviously have to work.
Like the whole easter-weekend. From this tuesday to next tuesday, but whatevs, Ill still have a good time and go to church after the holidays. Thats ok.

Since I am grown up we dont have Easter traditions (other than church)  anymore, cause its just my mum and me. My brother lives in Hungary and my dad is...welll...not really willing to spend time with us.
Other than that, I always have to work on holidays anyways.

BUT I really love some things about easter time and Im gonna share them with you:

1. 

(usually) spring is all around (pic above) I can spend time with my plants, gardening, which I absolutely LOVE and spend lots of time outside, going for walks with the dog or just by myself. It smells soooo good!
[ok, this year is different, we have had snow this morning :D]

2.

 Eierlikör (english: advocaat)

I donno, if you all know it, but its a high-calorie liquor made from eggs. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE it, but its rare.
I mean; you can theorethically get it all year round, but its cheap around easter time and there is tons of candys and chocolates,cakes,ice-creams and cookies filled with it.

U usually cant get them any other time of the year, so I always taste them all and decide on a favoite.
This year its these eggs from ALDI (for all readers that live in Germany) and its only 0,99EUR for a bag!

3. 

Eggs 

Okay, eggs are there all year round, but for easter time its special. At least for me.

So here we go, colored and boiled eggs are a must-have for easter time!

 

Okay, I gotta go to work...

So what do you like best about easter?

Do you celebrate?

Do you have to work?

Back on track?!?!

Hi everyone!

Just a reminder, I am still alive ;)

Well, it wasnt really looking like I would be today, to be honest.
I have been going through a really hard time, since hearing, that I wont keep my job
and might possibly be jobless in 4 month.
BUT it all seems to get better now: I have some seriously GOOD news and happenings coming up.
But [pssssst!] I cant tell ya yet, cause it might be bad luck ;)
So just please wish me luck for the next weeks and keep ur fingers crossed, that Ill pass my exams.

My way is going into the light ;)

Anyways,

It was my birthday on sunday and I had a fabulous time in the Netherlands shopping with my mum.

I also got lots of great presents, which the best was definitely a package from my old hostfamily from Canada! - LOTS OF LOVE!

birthday tradition: SCRATCH "N" WIN!!

Otherwise, I got a great new blazer, whcih is white and kinda "buisness-chanel-style" and it totally fits my occupation as a manageres. :)

me on my birthday last year - PARIS,France

Other than that, I cried,screamed,yelled and fought a lot with myself lately, which makes me really sad.

Its a weird thing that happens to me right now, that has never ever happened before and I feel really bad.

Well, I am suffering from anorexia since 12 years by now and I usually starve myself to (near) death, or well until feeding tube,hospitalisation or impatient is the only option left for me.
I used to purge,too but I never had huge feeding attacks like bulimics do.
(Just that eating half of a normal portion, feels like a feest to me)

Ive also come to experience alot of chewing-and-spitting:
Anyways, lately I feel super-hungry and starved ALL.AT.THE.TIME.



 

I feel like that little-fatty-goat inf ront, but I am the girl, feeing them!

And I keep being disciplined like usually,
but then, sometimes, it just overcomes me.
and I eat X00 or X00 calories more than regularly.

I know this isnt alot,
but for me its sooo much and then I feel bad, really bad,
but Ive promised my mum and god;
to never puke again on purpose, so I cant do it.

That leaves me angry and feeling like a pig that stuffs itself all the time.
Its almost like I can feel the fat grow on my thighs.

I KNOW that this is bullshit, technically.

But it freaks me out. Especially because it makes me panic and gives me really intense shivers, nightmares, cry-attacks and I am almost like in a kind of trance for hours!

Then, when I have come down (usually the next morning) I see what I have done. My thighs and belly are green,yellow and blue and it looks like I am getting abused by a Wrestler. Thats how intense the bruses are.
Do I have to consider myself a binge-eater now?

Its such a vicious cylce and it only goes on since a weeek, but it feels like forever already.
I just wanna get out of it.
I dont wanna binge. I wanna be normal.

Any tips on how to overcome binge-eating-phases?