Becoming independent (from your mum or parents is a huge step)
I found that out a few days ago.
I always thought im super independant you know?!
Living in my own apartment (well my mum moved in 2 years ago but whatever,
I do pay rent, I do pay groceries,I pay "Hundesteuer" and its (mostly) my furniture)
and working full time as a manager, leading a huge team in a huge company everyday. I thought I must be so independant, so mature.
I mean having such a high position, giving people advice and assigments that are more than 20 years older than I am...
but all that doesnt seem to be everything,because apparently,
I am not
I found that out a few days ago.
My mum and I were crossing the street and she was only one step behind me when a motorcycle hit her.
She got injured real bad and gets surgery on thursday.
She will get better,I know that but she wont be ble to walk for the next weeks.If she will ever walk again completely.They donno yet.
But what scares me most is that she wont be home for 3 month.
Honestly she is everything i have,everything.
I dont have anyone else to talk to and to do stuff with.noone who cooks with me,sleeps in the same apartment,watches tv with me, goes grocery shopping or on holidays,picks me up fom work,
noone i can surprise,i can make happy,can give presents to or share important things with.
im on my own.and I dont think i can handle it.
I stayed at my friends house for 3 nights but
Tonight is the first night at home after everything and tomorrow will be my first day at work after this.
I am scared.
Really scared.
anyways i cant write on i am tired and i just wanna grab my dog and dnuggle in to fall asleep.
Good night blog world.
Good night real world,
I am happy I am alive and even happier my mum is.
God is there for her,for us.
Thank you for that.
Tomorrow will be a new day and she will be better. I am so thankful for that.
Oh Mary,my Mary,I can't put into words what is running through my mind right now.
ReplyDeleteI am SO sorry this happened to your mom,really. It truly is a wonder she didn't get hurt and clearly a gift from god,I am sure of that,but still,it's terrible and I am really shocked at the moment to say the least... Which leads me to the next point already: You are SO strong! Seeing your mom getting hit,knowing she will get surgery tomorrow,watching her lying in that big big hospital bed when it seems like your mom is only a tiny person; so weak and vulnerable - all of that must be so,so hard for you and the fact you are still able to write it down instead of freaking out completely (which I would possibly do if I were you) is absolutely admirable!
Also,I think it's not true to say you're not independent,cause you are. You just make the mistake to think being independent means that you're able to live all alone 24/7 without anyone to talk to,laugh with,or simply have at your side. No one can do that,Mary.
Have you ever seen the movie "Cast away"? Tom Hanks,all alone on an island in the middle of the ocean with nothing but a ball. Slowly but steadily,he became desperate - so desperate abnd lonely he started to call his ball "Wilson" and talked to him like he used to talk to his friends back at home. Heck,in the end he even cried when he lost Wilson somewhere on his way home because that stupid ball was akll that he had actually! Isn't that enough of a proof of that we need human company in some way?
You know,you are working so hard and to me,it always seems like you barely have time for your own life anymore,you know? That's why you probably don't have the possibility to ever go out,meet new people,make new friends and feel so damn lonely now that your mom's not home anymore. But seriously,you need that. You need social contacts; you need friends. And yes,I know you would rather like to be at the side of your mom whenever possible at this very moment,but maybe,you should consider to use the time to go out and do what you've been missing out on all the time...
Gosh,I hope this makes sense at all because I just typed up a monster of a comment. Sorry,darling.
However,I am always there for you. Always. If I could,I would come around and be there for you for the next three months,you know? I hope you know that. And if you ever need someone or when there's something I can do,let me know about it.
Love you,girl. <3
Thanks Kat! I really appreciate your support.
ReplyDeleteIve actually never really heard of that movie, but maybe thats again cause I barely ever watch movies theres no real time window for that...well like you said i clearly work too much but i am trying to chnage that.
My job cut me out of society even though i am around coworkers and customers all day (and night) i still feel lonely in a crowd.
I bet part of that is my ED but work just turned me into a nervous wrack that has nothing else going on anymore. Killed my friendships (mostly) and my relationship (completely)
well anyways I fell asleep last night eventually and it wasnt that bad waking up alone, I mean I turned on every radio and the TV immediately so that I felt like I had company.And it worked.Yay.
Anyways the surgery is tomorrow and I am glad you support me and keep my mum in your prayers because all she needs is luck right now so that she will be able to walk again in 3 month.We need to pray and to thank god that not more happened,that she is still alive.
cRAZY HOW 1 second can change our whole lives and turn everything upside down.
Whatever I am optimistic and if everyone else is too,she will recover and surgery will go very well tomorrow.
cross your fingers,cause i am.
thank you thank you thank you.
and i appreciate your tips and try to act after them.
well we´ll see what my boss says about the plans i secretly have tomorrow.
wish me luck,
hugs and kisses mary
I'll definitely be praing for both of you - you and your mom - tomorrow,think of you all day long and wish you all the luck of the world.
DeletePlease keep me updated about everything,also about the plans you have (what kind of plans,if I may ask?)!
You deserve all the best in this world,never forget that.